Fast Car August 08

Well bugger me with a rolled up copy of Lax Flower if we haven’t got two for one this month, and I ain’t talking about the latest offer on Always Ultra either (available at all good Happy Shopper’s while stocks last).

Nope, that’s the amazing deal with August 08’s issue of Fast Car – buy one masterpiece of journalistic perfection and get… well, possibly the most offensive thing you’ll ever read too.

You see we’ve teamed up with the gutter-mouthed Mick Smutter to bring you the very first (and probably last) issue of the EMMIE Award-winning Arse Car – your guide to the very worst whips Europe has to offer.

You’ll laugh, you’ll cry (if you’re French) and you’ll quite possibly chuck up your breakfast, but just remember one thing… however offended you are, you can’t possibly be any more pissed than our big bosses and the FC legal team.

Still, over on FC it’s not all bad news for our foreign cousins, as for the first time in over two years a European ride takes the prestigious cover spot.

Obviously it had to be pretty shit-hot to make us change our patriotic ways too; but I think you’ll agree this trick Ford Focus from the land of soft drugs and hardcore porn is something a bit special… not unlike our Slim Julie.

Other wicked rides include a wired Polo, a super-blown Passat and one mighty Fresh Fiesta.

Elsewhere Benny rates and slates all the latest products, the Twig twats a Lambo round Silverstone, Midge visits 5th gear’s Vicki Butler Henderson and Tom Ford and, as if that’s not enough; the Team Halford’s pit girls, Tillie and Paige along with Miss FC should keep you whacking away until well into the early hours. Well, did the job for me.

In fact, fuck it, you better book the day off, because that’s just the tip of a testosterone injected, oil stained, gash-tastic iceberg.

So get down to the newsagents and hand over your cash… or we’ll send round Smutter to, and I quote; “break your fuckin’ legs cocksucker.” Charming aye?